to clear things up

because I know this is going on way too long
this semester
was ugly
with the whole disassociation incident.
In all honesty
i'd rather be a bitch
than
someone i'm not
coldly forcing a relationship past the point of no return.
Its true
it was pretty horrible,
but
I stand by my decision.
I stood by for months enduring whatever that was
and eventually
it was too much.
I have no fear
to wash my hands of anyone.
A person who consistently degrades my intelligence, integrity, and love is no one I want to know.
Friendship is a beautiful thing,
but as much as it is a tying bond
it can only support so much.
Now,
you can apologize to your heart's content
it, however, means in no way that I suddenly have to come running back to you.
You've grown into a person I don't care to know
and no amount of sorrys can change who you are.

I want to love people
who make me smile
and make me laugh until my stomach is overwhelmed with sharp pain
and make me feel like i'm a person of worth.

If this makes me the sociopath
the bitch
the awfullll missannaK
so be it.

There is no place in my heart that regrets leaving a person who treated me like trash.
No matter how much you tried to fix it when you realized I was gone
the deed had been done
and the cycle would have continued like it always had unless I ended it.
I'm tired of it.
I'm a free woman.

So to all of you reading this
judge all you want.
The ones that matter understand
and hell
I can see why you would be mad.
It takes a pretty callous heart to stop caring,
but i'll let you know something
its only incessant hurt that creats a callous heart.
I'll always love her
and maybe one day we'll cross paths and things will be different.
Until then
my life will continue this new chapter.



mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
its super late.
Well, relatively late.
2:48.
Early even.
I had a pretty good day.
Woke up early and went to Rolie's.
We went back to sleep for a while and then I took a bath and played Viva Pinata with Tori.
Eventually Rolie succumbed to the Pinata powers and played it too
and a little part of me rejoiced.
After, Juan, Jack, Rolie, and I went to the movies to see the hulk [which I wasn't crazy excited about] but it ended up being great.
I love Edward Norton in anything, even as an angry green man.
And Jack and I became close again which was refreshing.
I know i'm going to cry when Juan and Jack leave next week.
I care for them deeply and I don't know how i'm going to handle them being gone.
The only solace Rolie and I have is that we'll still have each other after everyone has left.
However these things work out
I know
things will turn out great.

I really do love you all
even the tiny tiny people who think I don't know about them.
I do.
We'll all get through this.